Procrastination, Jealousy, Disappointment.

It’s been a while! I’m sorry for the lack of updates! It’s just that, I haven’t been able to find time to do so. 😦 I’m not exactly that busy, per se. Then again, I just cannot think of anything in particular to type about. To be honest, it’s the same for right now. I really can’t think of what to write now. I guess I’ll just give all of you readers, if there’s any, a short update on what’s been up since my last post.

So…

My last actual post with some contents was weeks ago! Well, following up from there, if you didn’t realise, it’s actually term break for us here in Singapore. It’s only a short one week break, that isn’t exactly a break for anybody because we still have to go back to school for extra lessons and co-curricular activities. For year fours in secondary schools, especially. Our term break isn’t exactly a term break because we’ve got lots of homework, and yet extra lessons. And it’s really not exactly a break because we’ve got to start revising and stuff like that? I feel pathetic just by typing this because right at the back of my mind, I know that I’m not making full use of my time. Basically a day has gone by and I’ve done nothing other than have tuition. :/

My procrastination has been getting worse over the last few weeks. I can no longer find that motivation that I had last year end that brought my results to what I achieve last year end. I feel like I’m slipping away from my studies, I feel like everyone has overtaken me and that I’m lacking behind. And yet even as I feel this, my brain just would not make the move to do something about it, to push myself and let myself get back to the front of the race.

I don’t know why I’m blogging about this, because I’m pretty sure that if certain people read this particular blog post and read about how I feel about my studies, they’d think that I’m a bitch and that I’m demoralising them. To be very honest, I do not care at all. You can think what you want. It’s your mind, only you’d have control over your own mind. I won’t do anything about that. I wouldn’t even flinch, if you had the guts to say it straight into my face. That being said though, I just want to remind you, this is my blog, this are my thoughts that I’m jotting down. If you’re really unhappy about what I blog about, press the red button by the corner of your browser. I do not even welcome you into reading this because here I am trying to let you understand a piece of my mind, and there you are bitching about me. It’s not quite fair of a treatment, is that?

I don’t know how I’ve ended up ranting about people bitching. I don’t know why I’ve gone so far off topic. I’ve sort of lost my train of thoughts right at this moment.

To be frank, even though distractions is one of the major problems students all over the world experience, procrastination is the worst problem to me. For me, procrastination means that I’m just sitting there, obviously doing something that is clearly not as important as completing my homework or revising, having my brain telling me at the back of my mind that ‘go get your homework done! go revise your stuff! you’re lacking behind!’ and yet not moving even a budge.

I think procrastination is worse than distractions because distractions can be removed. You can easily put away your laptop into a cupboard where you have to resist yourself to go to, you can easily lock your handphone into a cupboard in which you do not have the key to. But if you’ve got procrastination, it’s all in the head/body. Your mind is telling you to do something, but your body, it just wouldn’t cooperate.

It really stinks, really. Sometimes due to my recently increased procrastination, my productivity has been so low that, everybody else has finished things that I should’ve done.

This is exactly why I feel like I’m lacking behind. I see my classmates doing things that aren’t even due until the next week, I see my classmates discussing about homework that I haven’t even touched. Sometimes I really wonder, am I that busy not to be able to complete it on that very day just like them?

In some sense, I probably am just jealous of them. I’m jealous of their motivation to get things done. I’m jealous at their productivity.

And in a sense, I’m disappointed at myself. I’m disappointed at myself for not being able to find that motivation to get my things done. I’m disappointed at myself for letting myself have the chance to be jealous of these people.

I will change that. I will set my priorities right.

From now on, no more procrastination, no more Gaki no Tsukai (it has recently been an extreme distraction to me), no more play.

It’s time to get back to business.

Ps. If this post doesn’t make sense, just ignore this.

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