There are many things that I want to blog about, but I can’t. However, if I have offended anybody, I’m sorry. If you really hate the contents of my blog post, just close the tab on your explorer. And also, please pardon my language.
I know it’s been a really long time since I’ve blogged. It’s just that, there are just so many things going on, I don’t really have the time to think of what to blog about, much less blog. However, today, I feel like I should take a small little break because… I feel like I have to blog about this. For some reason, I feel like today is a milepost in my life.
Before I type about anything about what happened today, I think I have to explain a couple of things first.
Basically, in Singapore, every year, we have this thing called Singapore Youth Festival (SYF). Many Co-Curricular Activities (CCAs) are involved in “festival”, especially the Performing Arts CCAs. It’s the time of the year where the Performing Arts CCAs will bring glory to their schools. Every year is a different category. One year is for the primary school students, the next is for the secondary school students, and then the cycle repeats itself. Therefore, every CCA has about one and a quarter year to prepare for their SYF competition.
This year, it’s my second time representing my school’s Choir to compete in SYF. In total though, it is my third time (including that once that I competed in my primary school). There has been so many changes since my last SYF… We’ve gotten a new conductor, our powerhouse seniors have left the scene. It’s now up to us, the seniors to hold the ground. I remember the last SYF, I had lost my voice during camp, and it didn’t manage to recover until after my competition. That SYF held so many regrets, because I couldn’t contribute to my CCA. This year, this SYF, as a year 4 student who’s stepping down from CCA after SYF and my school’s annual event, Annual Awards (AA), I will do my ultimate best to clinch the gold award for my choir.
Putting that aside, I will now come to the point of me blogging today. Yes, that wasn’t it. That was actually just a really random part of this post.
I mentioned something about my school’s annual event, the Annual Awards right? I think I might need to explain about that for a little bit.
I believe that almost every secondary school should have an annual event that involves almost every student, yes? (I’m actually not that sure.. Correct me if I’m wrong.) My school’s annual event is called AA, where pretty much the whole school is involved. The Uniformed Group (UG) CCAs are involved in the parade segment, the Performing Arts CCAs are involved in the concert segment, the Student Council is involved in all the ushering and reception stuff… Basically, almost the entire school is involved. Every year it happens, every year it affects students. (Thanks to AA, I cannot start focusing on my midyears. I’m not blaming AA though.) Every year I curse and swear at people about AA. Already the people in charged of AA are mostly bullshit, it doesn’t help the fact that this year, it’s my school’s 60th anniversary and there’s a big shot as the guest of honour.
AA is next Friday, and we haven’t had much rehearsals. I guess it’s because all the Performing Arts CCAs are busy with their preparation for SYF. Oh well, anyway, we had a full dress rehearsal today, which went pretty well, should I say. Well, the day wouldn’t have been so fucked up if we didn’t need to report early to the hall for some stupid briefing about the finale that didn’t even need to take so fucking long. The day wouldn’t have been so fucked up if my stupid CCA teacher in charge didn’t decide that she should care about her CCA today. It’s not like she has ever cared before anyway. I am openly criticising about her because she’s a fucking old bitch that doesn’t know what her position is. I will stop criticising now, because if I continue, I probably wouldn’t even be able to stop. If I continue, this will end up being a rant post – which is not what I want.
Basically what happened today (because it’s too long if I started from the start):
That old hag decides that today, she’ll come and bitch about how we are going to do things – like entering the stage for our performance; finale positions. That old hag never cared about it any other years, this year she decides that she needs to do it. Well, to put the long story short, whatever fucking hell she said made every fucking member in my choir fucking confused. We don’t even know what the fuck she is talking about, we don’t even know what the actual fuck she wants us to do, and we took a long time to get things settled (mind you, these are things that we’ve improvised, these are things that doesn’t matter).
I had a sudden burst of guts to reason with her, which I think I did really well, because I didn’t shout at her (trust me, I really wanted to fucking scream in her face). I reasoned, saying that whatever the hell she was saying is confusing EVERYBODY, that we are not stupid idiots and we know how to fucking improvise (of course I didn’t say it like that, but well, my blood is starting boil again…). And that fucking bitch dares, she fucking dares to YELL at me, that she is NOT confusing us, that she is just ‘trying to make sure that everybody knows what is going on’. In my brain? All I can think of was, “NOW YOU’RE FUCKING SAYING ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS THAT YOU’VE SAID JUST NOW. GO FUCK YOURSELF.” Yes, my inner voice was literally screaming out loud. I could feel myself shaking. I don’t even know how the fuck I managed to say sorry, of course, laced with million layers of sarcasm and lies.
And I swear to god, if I ever had the chance to make a public speech to the student body, I think I WILL openly criticise about this woman who has a fried brain – oh wait, she doesn’t have a brain….. I will. But I doubt I’ll ever have that chance. I think I might actually get expelled because of that. Oh well. Whatever. That bitch.
In any case, I actually feel like I did the righteous thing to stand up to her. Why? I feel righteous because I’m speaking for everybody in choir. Everybody was confused, because like I said, every fucking thing she said contradicts itself. There’s no truth in her words. And I swear to god, my CCA is cursed to have such a teacher in charge who doesn’t even know how to fight for her CCA. To be honest, I don’t fucking care anymore, I’m stepping down in two weeks, I do not fucking have to see her face anymore. I pity my juniors though.
Anyway, it does come back to my principle – “if you do not give me any respect, you don’t deserve any of my respect.” and right at this very moment, that fucking old hag does not respect ANY respect. “So do not tell me what to do.” Go fuck yourself, you don’t even know what the fuck you’re actually doing. You don’t even know what’s really going on. I bet you don’t even know that you have selective hearing and your brain (wait, she doesn’t have one) interprets things all fucking differently from others. Well then, if I cannot even fucking suggest things that needs to be done, then I don’t think you have any rights to make me do anything. Do you even know what respect means? I bet you don’t. Don’t you fucking think that just because you’re a teacher means that you can order others around. Mind you, you’re a secondary school teacher where all students are in the rebellious stage. I suggest you go and reflect upon yourself. Rag.
I’m sorry, I’m getting a little too carried away with the cursing and scolding.
Coming back to point….
I’m giving myself a pat on my back because I think I did awesome standing up to that old hag today. I fought for myself, I fought for my choir, I finally had the guts to stand up and do something righteous today. I’m proud of myself for not screaming. Oh well, that’s it, I guess.
I shall end off wishing everybody good luck for their SYF competitions!