Alone time.

Disclaimer: this post is freaking ass long because I wrote grandmother stories in it. Yep. Friends, please don’t be offended or anything. Chances are, I’m not talking about you. And, I’m sorry if this post didn’t make sense. 

As I have mentioned on my last post, this is the third week in the midst of my O’s and also the slackest week out of the month of papers. I only have two papers of the same subjects on Wednesday, so clearly you can see what I’ve been doing these few days. [Guilty as charged!]

Anyway, I’m here right now to share this experience with… um, myself.

As fore mentioned, I only had one day with papers this week, and I have been slacking throughout the week. But guess who’ve been keeping me company this whole week? No, not my friends nor my family! It’s actually my laptop. LOL.

So, basically I’ve been spending long hours alone with myself, save for my parents and some of my classmates on Wednesday when I went back for that paper. Coming to think of it, I didn’t particularly interact with them much. Meh. 

After four full days alone and a failed notion of going to cycle earlier, I decided that I’d get out of the flat and go to this cafe that I’ve always wanted to try out. At 7 PM, I successfully dragged my ass out of the flat and got out there. While I was walking though, because I was preoccupied with my phone, I couldn’t exactly remember where the cafe was and I thought that I had missed it. Lol. That’s really dumb, I know, because I’ve walked past the cafe so many times before today.

I went in, and I swear, the first impression that I got was the aroma of coffee. Haha, the smell was really good, actually! I made my way ‘upstairs’ and at the stairs, this lady comes up to me and asks me ‘a table for how many?’ And I have to say, it was really weird telling her ‘one, please.’

It just didn’t sound right.

Well, it did sound right because I was alone, but it was just strange because normally people go these places with a partner or a group of friends right? But no, I walked into the cafe ALONE. Then again, I’m really used to it though. Like I said before, I’m not a very social person, so I go around places alone, especially when I’m just going to a cafe down my street. Like, no one would fucking come over to my place to accompany me for a meal, since my place is so out of place – sort of.

Fast forward a little, I got myself a scoop of ice cream and an iced latte. Okay, I have to talk about this. THE ICE CREAM WAS AMAZEBALLS. Yep.

I got this ‘sea salt caramel’ ice cream and I have to say, it almost tasted better than Salted Caramel’s ‘salted caramel’ ice cream. Plus there were nuts in it!! I couldn’t tell what kind of nut it was though. But it was really good.

So, my ice cream arrived first, so I was busy devouring the lovely ice cream when a lady brings my iced latte to my table. I’m glad I actually took the liberty to finish my ice cream first, take a sip of water before starting on my latte. Because the first sip of my latte actually startled me. I didn’t remember latte was unsweetened. The taste was so strong, yet still really good. Hahaha.  Oh well, so I added a little syrup in there and I started on my Chemistry, which I’m getting rusty at, I might add. 😦 

What I didn’t expect was that there was actually a stream of customers coming into the cafe and as the place got more and more crowded, I got even more self-conscious that I was there alone, studying while everyone was having their dinner. Plus, at every table, as soon as they were done with their food, they left almost immediately.

That was when I started getting super self-conscious because I, alone, was hogging a table that can seat two. As true as it was, the seat that I was in wasn’t exactly desirable because it was right at the corner and it was freaking warm in there. And it was really hard to get in and out of that spot. But then again, if they really wanted to get a meal in that cafe, they’d still settle for the corner table right? 

However, as much as I was self-conscious, I had a three-quarter full cup of iced latte that I’ve yet to finish. So I just tried my best to finish my Chemistry paper as soon as possible, gulp down my lovely latte and get out of there.

Here’s the thing though: I wasn’t conscious that I was alone. Nope, I wasn’t because it wasn’t the first time I’ve been to anywhere on my own. I’ve had dinner alone at a hawker centre before. I’ve gone to this ice cream place near my flat many times to study now. I’ve gone to a Coffee Bean outlet in town a few times to study. I’ve been to town alone to do some window shopping alone too. So, why would I be conscious that I was alone? I’m not. I’ve actually, believe it or not, come to terms with spending time alone. Yes! Finally! 

I was actually really self-conscious that I was hogging a table, that could sit two people, to study, ALONE. I mean, usually I wouldn’t even give a shit, but it was because the place was getting packed and I was just hogging that table to study when two people can have their dinner!

That was exactly what made me self-conscious and left after finishing one paper. Which I suppose is perfectly normal?

After this evening’s experience, questions that I haven’t thought about for a while came back into my brain. Y’know, I think I’ve blogged about this before. o.o

Why are some people so afraid of going anywhere alone? Is it really that strange to go out by yourself? I mean, think about it, if you don’t even want to spend time with yourself, then who would want to? o.o Plus, if one day your friends are busy with their life and you need to go somewhere to get something done, or to buy something, are you going to cry in your apartment because you can’t leave home alone but you really need to get things done?

However, I don’t deny that going out with a friend or a group of friends actually makes things so much better. As much as I’ve gone to town to window shop on my own, I have never went clothes shopping alone before. I mean, I’ve walked into a departmental store that sells clothes before. I’ve browsed through articles of clothing before. But I’ve never taken any to the dressing room when I’m alone.

Maybe it’s because I’m broke as shit and I can’t get clothes on my own. But then again, it’s probably because it’s strange because there’s no one to give opinion on that piece of shirt or pants.

Other than not going clothes shopping on my own, I’m perfectly okay with going to the mall on my own. Actually, I enjoy going to the mall on my own as compared to with friends. Sometimes I go out with a group of friends and they just go wherever the heck they want, without giving a thought that I had caught my eye on something interesting. Okay, that doesn’t happen often because I’d usually wander off to check out whatever I wanna see. And also because most of my friends are reasonable and considerate and we go to all the places we want to go. But that’s besides the point. 

I enjoy going to the mall on my own because I can go wherever the fuck I wanna go and ignore wherever the heck my friends wanna go. Because heck, I’m on my own! Yep.

Oh, and another reason why I enjoy going to the mall or anywhere on my own? Because I don’t have to kill brain cells contemplating over choices since there are nobody around to ask for opinion and screw around with my brain to make a decision. Well, lemme give an example. The other day, a group of friends and I were at HMV, checking out the albums and stuff. I was eyeing Justin Timberlake’s 20/20 Experience (part 2) and because my friends were there and I was torn between whether or not to get it, I asked them for their opinion. And I swear to god it screwed up my brain because in the end, I couldn’t even get a convincing answer from them and I took like twenty minutes before I made my final decision. I didn’t get the physical copy in the end. 

However, if I had been there on my own, I probably would’ve just walked out of the store empty handed without wasting like twenty minutes of my life and a couple hundreds of brain cells contemplating on whether or not to get the album.

See what I mean? It’s much easier when you’re out alone.

Well, I guess the only thing you can take away from this post is: please don’t deny yourself from having some alone time. Instead, enjoy this time that you have to spend with yourself because sometimes, it gives you some pretty awesome results. Like clearing your head and helping you make a sound decision if you’re torn over the choices of getting something.

Enjoy your own company, and you’ll probably find yourself enjoying life much more than before. Well, at lease I did. 

Pardon me for having such long grandmother stories before I got to the point. :/ Well, thanks for reading. 🙂



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