Rewind: Growing.

Rewind is a new thing that I’ve decided to introduce, however, the nature of these contents included in these posts are nothing new. Basically, I’ve just given it a new name, but it’s about all the same things that I write at the end of the year – reviewing my year, things I’ve learnt in school, things I’ve learnt on my own, things I’ve come to realize, stuff like that. It’s… basically just to give myself some… closure, to prepare myself for the new year in remembrance of the previous awesome year. Pardon my thoughts, and thank you for reading. 🙂

Please, don’t feel offended by anything that I’ve written here. Honestly, my mind isn’t really in the right frame anyway, but I do need to get this post written. So, please just don’t feel offended. Chances are, I’m not even talking about you.

In my opinion, today is probably the worse day out of the entire year. It’s the last day of the year, as everyone knows, and frankly speaking… In so many ways, I dislike this day more than Christmas. Well, maybe it’s because Christmas is just simply a reminder that New Year is in a week. But New Year’s Eve, it’s like giving you a slap on the face and screaming “IT’S RIGHT HERE! HONEYMOON’S OVER!”, spitting saliva all over your face at the meantime. It’s not that great of an experience, believe me.

But then again, that’s probably just all in my head. I know of friends that simply just love the arrival of a New Year and can’t wait for it to start. I know my parents don’t give two shits about the arrival of a New Year. Maybe it’s just me with my rebellious “I don’t want to go back to school!” kicking in, considering how much I have always disliked going to school – not because of studying, but because of the bollocks that comes along with human interactions. If I’m going down this road, then I guess eventually I’ll grow out of this stupid complex over hating the arrival of a new year. It’s kinda childishly nonsensical, this whole stupid complex issue that I have. Oh well.

Right-o, before I start writing, I do have to mention that… The year has been pretty amazeballs, but nevertheless, there were a number of things, regarding friendships and stuff, that had happened this year. However, I’m not about to disclose what has happened because… It just isn’t very appropriate and it might actually just send out the wrong message. So, this post is truly about my thoughts. And whether or not I’ve actually mentally grown, I would never know because ultimately… it’s all in my head. If you’re interested in commenting about anything that I’ve written – whether or not I’ve actually matured – go right ahead and leave a comment. I’ll reply you, I promise. I actually enjoy reading comments, unfortunately, there’s a lack of that in my posts… Right, comment only if you want to. 🙂

This year has been… quite a roller coaster ride for my emotions. I can’t even use any other words to describe because as much as I think it’s a roller coaster ride… It isn’t exactly one. I just can’t find the right words. Well, technically, it wasn’t exactly so many things has happened, more like the things that has happened has caused me to have so many different emotions. Unfortunately, for safety reasons, I cannot write about these incidents. I may be able to hint the things that happens, but please just don’t expect the full story, really.

This year, I guess I can finally say that I have mastered the art of cutting off toxic friends out of my life. I mean, I’ve actually started doing that last year, but this year… It’s as if this method of staying moderately content has literally been amplified. The other thing is, of course, keeping my sentences in check even when I’m actually just fuming my arse off. There was this incident that happened some time in April, the full story, which I had surprisingly typed out, is here. Learning how to keep myself from cursing inappropriately, mind you, isn’t all that easy okay. In the months that followed July, I had cursed so much that I really have forgotten that not everyone is comfortable with listening to curses and cussing.

Speaking of which, that is definitely going to be my New Year’s Resolution, clearly: To stop cursing at inappropriate times/people.

There are, of course, more incidents that happened between friends throughout the year, those are the ones that I cannot write about. I can, however, write about what I’ve learnt from these.

An incident happened between a group of friends, okay, maybe between a friend and I would be more appropriate… In which taught me something. Perhaps it was me noticing a reflection of myself, but honestly, I’m glad that I did, because ultimately, I’ve learnt not to be so bloody damn bossy. Honestly, I know for a fact that I’m quite bossy, I think. Honestly though, sometimes it just cannot be helped. It’s horrific – being bossy. Okay, hold on. Being bossy isn’t horrific. Realizing that you’re being bossy, yeah, I think that’s a whole lot more horrific. These days, I try to stop being so… bossy and aggressive, I think. Well, at lease, I hope I do.

Anyway, that incident, coupled with some other, has taught me that you really just cannot please everyone. Okay, maybe I’ve already known that for quite some time, but these are just proving them to be more than facts.

Another incident had actually taught me that… even being passive, can be talked about. It’s fucking insane, I swear to god. This particular one, I can’t really talk about, because talking about it would mean disclosing somethings from the incident, as well as hinting about certain people being involved. I’m not going to take that risk.

But, what I can say is… Throughout the entire year, after all these incidents, I’ve finally learnt how to be comfortable with myself. Last year, the only was I was at peace, sort of, is by distracting myself with studies. This year… Wow, how I’ve leveled up. I’ve learnt how to be at peace with myself by… not distracting myself.

What do I really mean by comfortable? Honestly, I don’t even know. I can only say that it’s simply just a feeling. The feeling of… contentment? Maybe? I don’t know. But the way I found this ‘peace’? By finally, actually spending time with myself. I know, this is something that I’ve written about far too many times in my posts… But honestly, I am all I had this year.

Not that I minded.

Honestly, after properly spending time with myself… Human interaction isn’t really all that scary anymore. But then again, I’m afraid that I might actually be on the edge of medically insane. Who knows, maybe I actually already am.

 

I know this post is half-assed at best, but… I really just cannot think of anything else to write about. It’s especially tough when I can’t write about anything of importance. So… This is where I’ll end this post. Apologies for this lame-ass post. I cannot promise that my next post would be much better to read, but.. I hope it will be.

 

Anyway,

Happy New Year!

(i can’t remember what are the usual wishes for new year. :O)

boom.

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