April Not-so-Foolish Day.

Ello, there’s literally nothing to this post that’s really worth getting angry over. I’m not even sure what I’ll be babbling about today.

Every year, on the last day of March, I will without fail tell myself that April Fools’ Day is going to be fun. And end up having no fun at all on the first of April. I guess this really just shows how pathetically mundane my life is. Oh well, can’t do anything about that.

Well, at lease it isn’t all that bad today. I didn’t just sit around in my house in front of my laptop… which was what I was going to do if I didn’t get called in to work today.

I don’t even know what to talk about.

Okay, let’s just start from where I left off last week. I didn’t do much last week. I cleaned the house quite thoroughly on Friday because I just felt like doing it. And, on Saturday I went to work, and because my parents were off busy working, I went to my gran’s place to have dinner. I have to say, it did feel really nice to have a delicious homecooked meal to eat, as well to have family’s company.

One of the things that I’ve realised from these few days is that I’ve been having too much me time. Yes, I know, I have always been saying how comfortable it is to spend time with myself… But, in the light of my emotions for the past weeks, it really hasn’t been the best of choices that I’ve made to stay alone. Which was why, I’m still pretty grateful and happy to JoWong for spending time with me on last Thursday.

I spent the day with mom on Sunday, going to temples, collecting and buying stuff. It was also extremely coincidental that it has come to my attention that there is a mall in the little red dot that is quite literally the heaven for all comic geeks. I swear to god, even I feel like I’m in heaven when I’m staring at all those amazing superheroes figurines, all the comic books and their merchandises. I swear to god, I’ve never, never even come close to such merchandises before. Yes, I was fangirling and gushing over all the awesomeness. But of course, there is always that doubt of whether or not these merchs are actually authentic.

Well, I’ve been working for the past two days.. So, nothing much there. But I did meet up with a friend yesterday to collect my beloved dvd. Hehehe, and we had a nice chat at Starbucks, talking about little things under the sun. It was nice too, to speak to someone and put my mind off things. Oh, right, and my conductor coincidentally bought a drink from my workplace. It’s definitely great having the chance to speak to him. I mean, I’ve always kinda liked talking to him anyway. At lease, he makes sense and doesn’t give you bullshit. It’s all good. Plus, I actually never had the chance to speak to him since I’ve stepped down from Choir. Aw damn, I kinda miss my choir practice sessions. :X

 

Other things that happened this past few days are actually quite very personal… And, quite honestly, even if I wanted to share, I wouldn’t know how to. Because there has just been too much said about it. But it basically just boils down to one point.

 

I need to stop being a loser.

 

Yes, that’s it.

I don’t know what else to write from here. Like I said, there’s nothing to write about anymore, and… frankly, I am not all that comfortable in sharing my thoughts. All I can say is that… I’ve been feeling really, really conflicted over myself for the past couple of weeks. I mean, of course, this has always been a problem that I’ve been facing. But recently, these conflicts has increased exponentially, and of course, it wouldn’t go away until I do something about it. When I finally did, I finally get pointed in the right direction and finally have the chance to correct myself. And like I’ve said two paragraphs ago: I will stop being a loser.

Honestly, it really is upsetting to know that, in the end, the problem actually really just lies with me. Of course, just like he said, it has become such a habit that I barely even manage to recognise it. And quite frankly, I really do feel really shitty. I really haven’t been doing any self improvement. The way that I’ve done nothing other than rot and die at home is honestly scary. Now that I think back on it, I don’t even know how I do it. Oh wait. I do know how. By distracting myself and watching dramas all day. Giving it a serious thought now, knowing extensively about a particular show really doesn’t get you anywhere. After all, it really is just a show.

And therefore, I’ve taken the liberty to limit myself to at most an hour of drama a day. And that I will only watch and read stuff with learning points. Like watching the tutorial to dreamweaver. (I fell asleep watching that last night, I woke up feeling lost.)

So, yup. As I stop myself from sinking deeper into the depths of completely laziness, I’m starting to feel a little less ugh.

boom.

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