It’s an extremely cooling day, and it’s pretty empty in school too. I have a two hour ‘lunch’ break, but I was hungry and finished my meal already. I’ve originally planned to do work, but the cool breezes that hits my skin just makes me want to do all the things that I was doing yesterday.
These two days have been so bleak. It’s especially so because we’re emerging into the rainy season. The days are colder, darker, wetter. It didn’t felt like it yesterday because it was still crowded everywhere in school. Today though, without the crowd, it’s much much more peaceful, much more quieter, much more lonely. I’ve quite always treated November/December months as lonely months.
I know it’s because for the past decade, I’ve always had holidays in these two months. Not going to school and, back then, being too young to go to places on my own, I was always at home with my domestic helper. It may not sound very lonely, but trust me, it sure is. But of course, I didn’t realise it then.
It always hit me though, when I go back to school. All the mindless chatter going on and on, and me just sitting at my table, desperately hoping for the ground to eat me up because nobody’s talking to me. Those days are gone but, the feeling… It still kinda exists.
The rain today reminded me of the days where all I did was to hide in the study room, playing on the desktop. I remember the days where I was even too afraid of playing on the computer because of this particularly heavy rain that poured on for days.
I just scanned past what I’ve written and I’ve only come to one conclusion. I don’t know what in the world I’m writing, but… The fact continues to remain that all these is just simply because of the wet, cold day as well as the lack of students (kind of) in campus. I have a feeling this mood will… stay. It will stay… for as long as it’s raining, windy and empty everywhere. But then again, emptiness is a very subjective thing to say.
I’ll write again soon, hopefully a post that isn’t so low.