Tendency (n.)

1. a natural or prevailing disposition to move, proceed, or act in some direction or toward some point, end, or result

2. an inclination, bent or predisposition to something

If you’ve been paying attention to my posts, the contents of this post will be vaguely similar to another post that I’ve already written.

But as I go back to school and slowly immerse myself around people, I realized one simple thing. I have the tendency to avoid, the tendency to slide away. For example: while exchanging text messages, a friend mentions that s/he’s with someone else. My tendency of sliding away kicks in and I would typically reply “oh okay, have fun then!”

In some ways, yeah, it is the right thing to do – because I shouldn’t be stopping anybody from socializing in real life and keep their attention away from anyone who’s there with them. Except maybe nobody does put me on their priority anyway – entirely besides the point. 

But in other ways, once the conversation dies there, it literally dies. I would hear nothing from the same person for days and neither the other party or me would start the conversation.

What this leads to? A practically useless phone because it never vibrates.

Honestly, I really do not know what I’m trying to get at. I know I sure as hell am not blaming anyone for not starting a conversation because an awkward conversation with nothing to talk about is worse than not having a conversation at all.

At the same time, I do not understand my tendency to slide away. On one hand, I enjoy the solitude that sliding away brings me. On the other hand that occasionally appears, solitude sometimes becomes loneliness.

Gosh, I don’t even know what I want!

And yes, you’ve just taken a glimpse into the messy, tangled thoughts of mine.


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